Beside The Still Water

Beside the still water I feel Him near. I hear the sound of His voice, saying,"Do not fear". My sins of the past He'll remember no more. His loving arms will embrace me at Heaven's door.

My tears and my heartache, He will erase. It will seem like they never existed when I see His face.
Here, beside the still water, I will wait; until that day when I walk through the gate.

Time Heals

I just realized it has been a very long time since I wrote anything. Another new year is here already? This past year has been a very busy one for me with many visits to the doctors to manage my Sarcoidosis. In May I began being treated with Methotrexate. I had read articles verifying that it could help in the management of Sarcoidosis and since Prednisone did not help me,and
my symptoms were continuing to worsen, I decided to give it a try in spite of the dreadful side effects. I knew I would probably lose my hair so even before it began to fall out I ordered a few wigs and began wearing bandannas. I was at a pain level of 9 or 10 every single day and coughing constantly. Something had to be done...so out of desperation,I began. I have to admit that after reading about all of the serious potential side effects I did have some reservations and was a little bit nervous about taking it. The first few months were the most difficult to get past as every Tuesday night I would take the pills and then every Wednesday and Thursday would feel as if I had a bad hangover or the flu. I continued to cough and have terrible bone pain and strange rashes from the Sarcoidosis and was doubtful if this treatment would ever work for me. In December I thought I may have to quit taking it since my liver enzymes were too high and my kidneys were showing signs of insufficiency. I have now been taking Methotrexate for seven months, I no longer have such severe bone pain, coughing, rashes and overall my level of pain is down to a 3! The side effects are not as severe as the first few months. I am hoping that I can continue on this treatment since it does seem to be finally helping me. If you can just be a little tolerant and patient then sometimes time heals.
This past year has truly been a tough year for many people both physically and emotionally and I am sure some feel it will never get any better. Just be a little tolerant and patient....time heals.
~Isaiah41:10 "Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed;for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness."

This Is The Day

Okay, some of you may be wondering where in the world I disappeared to.... no I haven't kicked the bucket  yet! I have just been taking a little break from writing.. at least on my blogs. I have lots of projects I am working on in notebooks but too many unfinished. I have also been battling this dragon..."Sarcoidosis" which seems to have gotten worse over the last few months. I am now on Methotrexate once a week  to help with the overall symptoms but there really is no cure for this monster of a disease. I have done much thinking and have come to the conclusion that each day is a special gift. I am thankful for each new day that I see the sun rise. I have made it my goal to try and do at least one thing every day that makes me happy and one thing every day that makes someone else happy. Life is too short to do anything less. Since I have implemented this I noticed I am enjoying each day and appreciating everything around me.
~"This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it."

I Will Never Lose

I was thinking this morning that there are so many things in this life that we can lose. I have experienced personally many losses over the period of fifty some years. Through the years, I have lost many dear friends and loved ones. I have lost a sweet baby to sudden infant death. I have lost two husbands through divorce. I have lost a career which I loved. I have lost finances. I have lost my health. I am in the process of losing my hair. Through all of these losses there are things that I have never lost and never will lose. I will never lose my "Best" friend who sticks closer than a brother. I will never lose Faith to believe that He is with me, for He promised to "Never" leave me or forsake me. I will never lose Hope, for He has promised that nothing is impossible with God. I will never lose His Love, for He has promised me that nothing shall separate me from the love of God. I really will never lose! I have Faith, Hope, Love and these will see me through even if I lose everything else.
~Habakkuk 3:17-19 "Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet will I rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Saviour, The sovereign Lord is my strength, He makes my feet like the feet of a deer, He enables me to go on the heights."

A Rainbow In The Night

My new year has started out a bit on the stormy side and a little bit scary. Since Christmas my disease, Sarcoidosis has truly had a mind of its own. I have tapered off of the Prednisone I was taking for it due to some unpleasant side effects. My body has decided to give me a true battle. My hair began falling out soon after Christmas and is now very thin to the point of needing a wig. My bones and joints are in constant pain and I now have daily headaches rather than my occasional ones. I now have cataracts in both of my eyes and have chronic fatigue. I am taking about eight different prescription medications however I still wake up in the night. This has become a blessing however. I am finding that at these times when I wake up is when I feel a sense of calm and peace that I know only comes from God alone. It is refreshing to know that He is with me and knows all about  what is going on in my body even though the doctors don't seem to have a clue. It is amazing that even though I am having a terrible time with my memory that it is at these times when I am quietly laying in bed that verses I memorized over thirty years ago or more come popping into my head. They are comforting, reassuring, reminding me of God's presence. It is as if He is giving me a rainbow in the night.

A Blanket Of Beginnings

It is hard to believe that this past year has come and gone already. I suppose it is due to my age that it seems the year has flown by all too quickly. When in the world did I get to be in my fifties?  If you are older than me then you probably are chuckling right now thinking I am a spring chicken. Anyway, this year had of course, its share of ups and downs, which I am not about to share or bore you with. We all have had them. What I find amazing is that as I was thinking on an upcoming year I couldn't help but wonder if it would mean more of the same kinds of problems...physically, emotionally, financially...on and on they go. I thought what is the use of even starting another year if it is going to be just like the last one? OK...some of you reading this are probably criticizing me right about now or judging my despair.... but if some of you are honest with yourselves you probably thought the same thing deep down.. just didn't voice it. Anyway, it is unusual for us here in northern Wisconsin to not have a lot of snow but this winter has been really skimpy on the white stuff. On the very first day of our new year... I opened my door to a blanket of freshly fallen snow. All of the ugly dead brown grass was covered with white. The individual flakes were softly drifting out of the sky. It was as if the snow was waiting for New Years day just to make its appearance. All of the events of this past year are gone forever.... it is a new year...all covered with a fresh blanket of snow. Hope. Expectation. Renewal. Peace. A blanket of beginnings.

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree...

For many people Christmas can be a very lonely and depressing time of year. Perhaps it is a season when they have lost a loved one or no longer hear the pitter- patter of little feet around the Christmas tree. There are no longer little ones with excitement in their eyes and voices on Christmas morning as they discover that Santa has once again delivered presents to their house. Putting up a Christmas tree maybe has lost its charm to some as they feel there is no real use in doing so since no one is going to join them to see it. I say to that "Bah-Humbug"! The Germans and Scandinavians began putting Evergreen trees in their homes and decorating them in the middle ages as a reminder of hope of Spring. So as I sit here and look at my small but quaint little tree I think of Hope. Hope in the greatest gift that was given one Christmas morning. Hope for a brighter future. Hope for better health. Christmas has indeed been way too over commercialized by retailers trying to generate more sales for their businesses it is true. Maybe you need to just take a few quiet moments out of your stress filled life and sit down by your Christmas tree and look at it in a different way this year.....Hope....for something better in the upcoming year.                                                               ~Psalm71:5 "For thou art my hope, O Lord God: thou art my trust from my youth."

More Than A Word

Here it comes again already! Thanksgiving! It is so much more than a word. It is more than the anticipation of sitting down to a turkey dinner with all of the fixings. To me it should be a special day to set aside to acknowledge thanks,not that I am not thankful on other days, but it is good to think specifically about things I am thankful for. I am finding that when I take the time to actually sit down and think on this, I realize how very blessed I am. Try it... you will find out your life is not as bad as you may think. It is so much more than just being thankful for material things...they can be taken away. It is more than being thankful for friends. They often disappoint or betray or perhaps move away, or die. It is more than being thankful for family. They don't always meet up to our expectations or can't always be there when we want them to be. It is His presence that I am the most thankful for on this Thanksgiving.  Yes, I am thankful for all of the other many things and people in my life that I have been so blessed with, but as I think on what I am most thankful for over this past year.... it has been the presence of God.

~"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble."

Psalm 46:1

A Handmade Treasure

Some of the greatest gifts are handmade ones. This gift was not given to me. It was given to someone with the name of Annie and apparently a long time ago. This was one of my treasures that I found one day while I was rummaging around at yard sales and antique barns and I really don't recall where or when I came across it. I know it was handmade because it is hand-carved and the hearts are not the exact size and shape and the painting along the edge was obviously by hand as well. I picked this up the other day to take a closer look and noticed that on the inside the name "Annie" was carved. Someone took a lot of time and effort to make this for Annie and here I have it in my possession. I wonder about the music that was made on this little instrument. I imagine a little girl sitting in her bedroom spending many hours by herself playing this, or maybe entertaining her grandpa who perhaps made it for her.... who knows? I am not even sure what kind of instrument this really is. Maybe one of you reading this knows....It is missing two strings but is supposed to have four. At any rate, I am sure that Annie treasured this dearly and made beautiful music with it.

Shake IT UP

Kids nowadays maybe have no idea what this even is. Back in the day it was one of my favorite toys that I would sit and spend many hours playing with... my Etch A Sketch.... I guess it was the pre-computer toy. I would sit for hours and turn the left and right knobs to draw on the screen and write, and then if I wasn't pleased with the results would just shake it up with all of my might and it would erase the screen and I would start all over again. As the sun came up this morning I was thinking about how each new day is like a clean screen on this Etch A Sketch...there is nothing there as we start the day. What we put on there is up to us. What was there yesterday has left no trace... it is gone forever. It is a new day and I must make the most of it. No matter what ugliness was upon that screen yesterday doesn't matter this morning. All that is there is a fresh clean start. I am so very thankful for that. ~Psalm 143:8 " Let the morning bring  me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you, Show me the way I should go, for I lift up my soul."

Overwhelming Obstacles

Someone posted this hilarious roadsign picture the other day on the internet. It got me thinking about how I have been feeling lately... as if boulders and enourmous cows or what not have been literally falling out of the sky down upon me. Just when one thing seems to get worked out another "cow" comes plopping down out of nowhere to smash my windshield and steer me off course! So many stinking obstacles in life. If we let them they can be downright discouraging. They can cause all kinds of anxiety and depression. The thing is.. I don't need to let these things control how I feel. I am learning that in spite of the fact that the one up above has way more important things to take care of than my petty problems, He still does care and does take the time out of His very busy schedule to pay attention to the details of my life. When I actually turn my cares and obstacles over to Him He does give me a peace and assurance that He is working behind the scenes to take care of things. So when I become overwhelmed with these "boulders and cows" and whatever life is whirling down upon me...I look up to the one who can and will do something about it, because He is the one in my life who cares the most and sees the whole picture. ~Psalm 145:18 "The Lord is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth."

I Prefer Treat!

Halloween weekend is upon us! The little goblins will be running around our neighborhoods in hopes of filling up their little plastic pumpkins with all sorts of goodies that they can collect for free. Hopefully in a safe and fun way. It brings back a lot of fun memories for me as it was always one of my favorite holidays in spite of all of the over spiritual people who always tried to make it into "Satan's" holiday. I never saw it that way and still don't. I see it as a fun time to dress up into some character and be silly and go out and get as much free candy as you could possibly collect in the short time that you ran from house to house. When I was growing up we used the biggest pillowcases we could find and of course made sure that there were no holes in them. We always tried to go to the neighborhoods where the houses were closest together so we could cover more territory in our few short hours. I have to confess that even after I had children of my own... I was one of those adults who came to your house dressed up in costume and put my container out in front of you for candy too! That was part of the fun! Watching the disgusting look on some of your faces as you saw an adult acting like a child! I say to you.... lighten up. I had a lot of fun trick or treating with my four children and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Anyway, I guess the point of all of my ranting on this subject is that I was thinking about it today... since my friend knocked on my door yesterday and asked me what I was going to be for Halloween. For the first time in years, I hadn't even given it a thought. I no longer have any little kids to take out trick or treating so I just didn't even think about it. This friend and I trucked off down to the thrift store and found me something to wear. We giggled like two little kids as I tried the getup on right there in front of people at the store. Yeah, we got weird looks and snobby people snubbed at us for a few seconds but we didn't let that dampen our mood. I thought to myself as my friend left after we got back home and had some coffee and muffins, that really that is what friends are for. When we begin to forget how to enjoy the simple little fun things of life ....sometimes we just need someone to come along and say..."c'mon, let's go do this!"  For me... it was a real treat. Trick or Treat? I prefer Treat! Thank you Lord for the simple little treats you give me.

Too Old?

I wonder sometimes about age...it is all relative to the person who is thinking about it. If you are only ten then a twenty-five year old person is extremely old! When I turned thirty I thought that I was then old. Now I am in my early fifties and when I think of someone in their sixties.... well that is not that far off! I recently went to somewhere that there was a ninety-two year old person  who was as spry as could be just full of life, happy, and up on a stage playing the piano like he was going to live another ninety years! I thought to myself that I would actually love to live this long if I could actually have that attitude and be that happy at that age! What an example of a fulfilled happy life! It is easy to think that we are through doing what we set out to do or maybe that our purpose in life is not very important any more. I recently began rethinking this. I believe you are never too old to begin again from scratch and try something new. I heard about a man who finished in a marathon at age one hundred and he only began running at age eighty-nine! I guess I can begin a few more things at my age! "I can't" should not be a part of the vocab that I am talking to myself. I need to remember that whatever it is I need to do.... I can do. Plus, whatever God brings me to, He will bring me through! Whether I endure one more year or one more decade or a few more decades, I hope that I will continue to learn new things and accomplish a few more things that are a bit more far reaching than just myself. I hope in some way I can inspire you to keep on trying and never give up in spite of the difficulties and obstacles and people in your way that have let you down and tried so hard to stop you from becoming all that your potential says you can be. Sometimes the hardest person to forgive is yourself, so give yourself a break, and forgive yourself for past failures and mistakes and move on and do a new thing that will make your ending better than your beginning.
~"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."~

Do It Scared!

There are a lot of scary things in life way worse than the boogie man...I think every kid at one time or another thinks there is a boogie man that is lurking in the deep crevices of the closet or underneath the bed ready to crawl out and grab in the dark of the night! I for one have had to face a lot of scary situations in my lifetime... some of which seemed way too scary for me to even face. I still am facing some things right now that seem pretty darn scary but I have learned something very important.... you have to do what you have to do...whether you are scared or not... and if you have faith in God no matter what all is going on around you, then you know like I do that HE is bigger than any boogie man and bigger than any problem that I face. I am so thankful that He keeps His promise to never leave me or forsake me and is always with me to help me and provide for me and protect me. So, even though I may be scared and a bit intimidated by what lurks around the next corner... I know that He is with me and will guide, direct, and bring me through.

So Sweet!

Sometimes it is so easy to focus on the negative things happening. We tend to notice that bad things happen in series of threes sometimes.... deaths for instance. I know that seems kind of superstitious to some but I have noticed it does seem to play out. This past week has been a week of overflowing blessings for me and more than just three in a row.. unbelievable in a way since those who know me personally know that I have been having more than my share of negative in my life. It makes me appreciate all the more when something good and sweet happens for me. There were several things that happened this week that just brought me to tears. Not tears of sadness at all.... but tears of utter joy and overwhelming happiness. When this happens it is sweet! Yesterday I was in the local candy store as pictured above.... and it reminded me of how sweet it is to experience blessings after going through some storms in your life. Maybe the storms are a good thing after all. Maybe the storms were there so I would really truly appreciate the blessings no matter how large or small they are.

Let No Root Spring Up

AH YES!! It is so easy to let those nasty old roots of bitterness begin to spring up in the depths of the soul! But I caught them! Not going to let that 'Ol stinking devil get the best of me. Sometimes it seems that people who call themselves "Christians" can be the worst people on the planet when it comes to seeking to hurt others and I just don't get this. Recently I had something happen in my life that was hurtful and certain people who are supposedly good Christians are turning this thing around as if I am the one doing the hurting... are you for real here?? I have overlooked, forgiven, extended grace where most would not have......come on ...give me a break. What is it that these people are so afraid of??? Probably just don't want to face the truth. Oh well..... like the old saying goes... "It all comes out in the wash." Plus... God rights the wrongs in my life... I don't need to waste my little bitty energy trying to do so.
~Hebrews 12:15 "See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many."

Season Of Beauty

Awesome colors that make you step back for a moment and say "ahhh"! This is a changing season... a season of beauty before the cold and ice and dreariness of winter. I love the beauty of it! It reminds me of something talked about at our Bible study recently. Restoration... renewal...The seasons change so quickly. Fall soon turns into
Winter and I know, I sit longing what seems like an eternity, for Spring. Spring then, turns into the heat and humidity of Summer and we long once again for the coolness and crispness of Fall. After the beauty of these colored leaves they will soon begin to drop from their branches, but we know that restoration will take place and by next Spring new leaves will form, and by next Summer they will be bright green once again. I have seen many seasons come and go in my life. Some have been pretty harsh and bleak like Winter; however I have the hope that restoration and renewal is taking place.  I love the hope and promise that God will restore all that the stinking devil has stolen from me... what a great promise... and I am so ready to claim back all that is mine!
~Joel 2:23-26 "...rejoice in the Lord your God, for He has given you the autumn rains in righteousness. He sends you abundant showers, both autumn and spring rains, as before. The threshing floors will be filled with grain; the vats will overflow with new wine and oil. I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten- the great locust and the young locust, the other locusts and the locust swarm... my great army that I sent among you. You will have plenty to eat, until you are full, and you will praise the name of the Lord your God, who has worked wonders for you; never again will my people be shamed."

Unfailing...Unchangeable...

Friends are sure nice to have... some are for a lifetime and these are rare gems that are to be cherished. They stick around no matter what. We all have had other kinds though that flee at the faintest offense, and just when you thought you had a friend... off they went their merry way... talking crap about you, and decided that they just weren't your friend after all. Then sometimes people just change, and their personality no longer is compatible with yours. They change so much you can hardly believe it is even the same person who you once knew so well. This is disappointing and hard to take. I am comforted this morning by the fact that there is a friend that has always been, and always will be by my side through thick and through thin and has never changed and never will! He has promised to never leave me or forsake me... He always wants only what is best for "Me" and is not thinking of other motives. His love is unfailing and unchanging! I am so glad for the friend I have in Jesus... He never has, or never will, let me down!

~Psalm 13:5&6 "But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for He has been good to me."

The Truck

If you are a mom and have boys, then you know that without ever teaching them how... they automatically seem to know how to play with cars and trucks from the time they can move around and make a noise! That is how it has always been...My son Justin was no exception to this rule. As a matter of fact, I still have a small metal lunch box of his just full to the brim with little matchbox cars and trucks that used to be all over the living room floor. It was never difficult to figure out what to get him for birthdays and Christmases, as a new truck or car would always suit him just fine. Well, now he is a man, and one that has new dreams and new goals. A year ago at this time, I was so concerned for his direction and began praying for him to find a new path. He has done that and I am proud of him, for not only pursuing it, but finishing it and here is his new truck! He no longer has to walk the halls of the depressing prison where he was an officer night after night. He can now be out on the open road exploring all that this country has to offer. May angels sit all upon the outside of this gorgeous truck of his, and protect him on his journey through life. God always has a plan to help us better ourselves... sometimes we just have to let go of the one thing we are holding so tightly to in order for Him to give us the better plan!
~Jeremiah 29:11 " For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Rise And Rise Again

I love this quote from the movie Robin Hood: "Rise and Rise again ..until lambs become lions." It means to never give up. No matter how many times you have to start over from scratch.... do it. No matter how many battles you fight and seemingly lose... keep on fighting them. Maybe at times you feel like I do.. like you just can't go on this way another single day and don't have it in you to fight anymore... maybe you don't think you know how to make a way of escape out of your bondage that you are in...but God already has a plan and already has given the weapons you need... so don't give up..Fight! He is a very loving, just, God who does see all and cares so don't ever think for a second that He doesn't pay attention to any thing that seems like injustice. It will be taken care of.
 ~Psalm10:14 "But you, O God, do see trouble and grief; you consider it to take it in hand. The victim commits himself to you; you are the helper of the fatherless."
~Psalm10:15 "Break the arm of the wicked and evil man; call him to account for his wickedness that would not be found out."