MERCY

"MERCY"......what does it exactly mean anyway? For some weird reason it keeps on popping up everywhere around me... on TV, reading material, even on a license plate! I began really thinking on this word.... my dear southern friend always said..."Lord have Mercy" and I too have picked up on that habit. Mercy is compassion, favor, blessing. Thankfully, the Lord does have mercy. He does show compassion, that is for sure. I looked further into this mercy thing... it can also mean showing  kindness and benevolence to people who do not deserve it; a willingness to grant favors and not be rude! Wow I found this to be interesting. The opposite of "Mercy" then, is to be cold- hearted, pitiless, unsympathetic, merciless, unforgiving and holding a grudge. I realize more and more how much mercy has been shown me by my loving Father in Heaven, and am so thankful that He in no way is out to hurt me or do anything rude, vengeful, or manipulative in my life! I fully trust that He has my "Best" interest in mind whenever He allows anything in my life. I am so thankful for mercy . May I be willing to show mercy.
Psalm23:6 " Surely...goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever."

A Rare Disease?

I have always known I was different than everyone else! I have always felt sick... I mean my entire life! I kind of thought just maybe I had a small touch of being a hypochondriac or maybe a bit psychosomatic? But then I ended up having two sets of twins just a year apart..that in itself is a bit on the rare side if you ask me! Then another fairly rare occurrence was the sudden infant death of one of my babies. Soon after all of my babies were born I began having some weird neurological symptoms and was told I may have Multiple Sclerosis and went through literally years of doctor visits and tests to prove or disprove the theories of way too many doctors. At this time the doctors began throwing around the thought that I may indeed have a rare autoimmune disease but to figure out exactly which one would be a challenge!! The idea of Lupus came into play, I had a few surgeries thrown in the mix and a herniated disc in my neck out of the blue, which ended me up with a neck brace for about twelve weeks. About three years ago now, I began to lose weight for no apparent reason and lymph nodes were popping out here and there. Low grade fevers for no real reason and problems with my ears filling with fluid. Bone pain, joint pain, muscle spasms, extreme fatigue, severe headaches and migraines have been amongst the symptoms all along over the many years but especially this last year. I have never even so much as had pneumonia, so when I began to have severe chest pains this past April I was pretty surprised that it was my lungs. I went for a pulmonary function test and did not do well. I was then sent for a chest x- ray which showed a lung nodule and some enlarged lymph nodes in the chest. Immediately I was sent over to the hospital for a Cat scan with dye which showed two lung nodules and several lymph nodes enlarged. I was advised to have a PET Scan which is used to show up any cancer. Done. The lung nodule in the upper lobe of my right lung and fifteen lymph nodes all lit up brightly which I was told looked very suspicious of cancer. I would have to have biopsies done! First biopsies were done on some of the lymph nodes in my chest through an EUS fine needle aspiration and this showed Sarcoidosis, however it was the opinion of a few of my doctors that the lung nodule could be lung cancer and should be biopsied also and the only way to biopsy it was to do a thoracotomy. So here I am after this lung surgery, recovering, telling you about it... if you can ever avoid lung surgery.... do it!! But at least now I am sure that I do not have LUNG cancer. What I am not so sure about is the other lymph nodes that lit up in my lower abdomen and there is some confusion as to whether they all have Sarcoidosis or if some may be cancer? So .... I know about the one disease and will deal with that!  It is a rare disease just like me. Am I happy about it? Of course not... I am thankful that I do not have small cell lung cancer as that is one of the fastest growing cancers! However Sarcoidosis is a disease that affects all of the vital organs and it already is affecting my lungs! I have felt lousy for a reason for this past year... so to all who have felt that I have been lazy or faking .....look it up and you will see what a nice disease this is! There is no cure as of yet and really from what I have read most of the treatments have some pretty rough side effects and don't really help a whole lot, so I am in for a rough ride!  One day at a time .... that is all any of us have anyway!

As I Walk...I Will NOT Fear

Okay, so last night I woke up several times in extreme pain...not that I want you to feel sorry for me but just so you will realize I am not out of the woods yet so to speak with this recovery process from this lung surgery. I have no idea what is normal for this or what is not,but today is the day when the waiting is over! I return today to the surgeon for repeat x-rays and lab work and for the pathology report on the lung nodule. Hopefully, today I will find out for sure if this culprit that is making me so very sick this past year is Sarcoidosis, Cancer, or Both (as is the theory of a few of my doctors). We shall see who is right. Anyway... more than a few people lately have asked me if I am afraid or nervous to find out the truth. Some have said they would Not want to know at all if it were them and others said they would. Well.. for me... I really can honestly say I am not nervous or afraid. I just would like to know what is going on in my body so I can at least understand the pain and sickness a little better and be able to make informed decisions regarding treatments and future plans. So as I walk or I should say begin this walk down this path today of the UNKNOWN... I think once again on my favorite Psalm...."Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for thou art with me... Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me."~Psalm 23:4